So when you die you go to the train station?
by avijaren
Summary: The Lord of the Rings discover something no one knew before: when you die, you go to the train station.


A/N: The song used to accent our story's plot is The Day That I Die by the group Good Charlotte. This whole ficcy came about because of the idea of a Jellicle named. Potato.  
  
Disclaimer: We don't know. we don't own anything. enjoy it anyway. we don't even own ourselves. or these ideas. we don't even know who does.  
  
"So when you die you go to the train station?" carbuckettycue, Chelstoffelees, Asparagus Altar-Ego  
  
One day I woke up woke up knowing today is the day I will die Cashdogg was barking went to the park and enjoyed it one last time Called my mother told her I loved her and begged her not to cry Wrote her a letter that said I'd miss her and signed that goodbye.  
  
Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf and Aragorn thundered across the open plain of Rohan, Gandalf on Shadowfax, Gimli and Legolas sharing a horse, and Aragorn riding behind them when.  
  
FLASH!!!  
  
Legolas blinked and shook his head. "Umm. weren't we outside?"  
  
Gimli let out a roar and charged at the door, which shook upon impact, but did not break, only bounced him back. Aragorn shook his head at Gimli, and grabbed his sword as the door opened.  
  
"Allo, allo!" A marmalade colored cat person stuck his head around the door cheerfully. Wait a minute, a cat person? Aragorn whipped out his sword.  
  
"What is going on here?" Aragorn asked, trying to remain calm.  
  
"Umm, can I get back to you on that?" The marmalade cat boy asked.  
  
"What is going on here?" Gandalf thundered, seeming to grow in size.  
  
The boy shrank back behind the door. "Nothing really. Actually, I don't know. I'm just Potato!" Gandalf glowered at him, and he hurriedly added, "I'll go ask me da, okay? Just sit tight." The marmalade cat boy, Potato, ran out nearly shutting the door on his own tail.  
  
The four Lord of the Rings characters looked at each other, "Potato?" Gandalf sighed, sat on the overstuffed couch and leaned back dropping his staff to the floor. He pulled his hat over his eyes.  
  
"This could be a while." Gandalf moaned. That was the last they heard from the old wizard, who had apparently decided to take a nap.  
  
Legolas leaned over to Gimli and hissed in his ear. "Is it just me or does Gandalf have mood swings?"  
  
Gimli and Aragorn glowered at him. "No, I think that's you elf!" Gimli snapped, settling down on the couch.  
  
Legolas looked confused and offended. "What did I do?!!" He received no answer so he walked over to the door and started checking for a way out. "How do we get out of here?"  
  
Aragorn sighed and rolled his eyes. "Try the door knob Legolas."  
  
"Ohh!" Legolas cried, grabbing the doorknob, turning it and jerking the door open, only to come face to face with the stationmaster's daughters. "AHHHH!!!!" Legolas staggered back from the door and tripped over his own feet in surprise.  
  
The three girls returned the gesture with a much higher pitched, "AHHHHH!!!!!!"  
  
"AHHHH!" Legolas yelled.  
  
"AHHHHHH!" The girls screamed.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!.." Legolas started to sway and nearly fell over.  
  
"Shut up before you pass out!" Yelled Aragorn over the screaming.  
  
"AHHhhhh!" Legolas managed to stop screaming after doing a jump in pitch to an extraordinary height.  
  
The girls too stopped screaming and began to pant and gasp. "Ohhhhh, their some of those people."  
  
"What people?" Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas demanded. Gandalf twitched and brushed a fly off his nose, still asleep.  
  
"One of THOSE people!" The short brunette exclaimed, as if they should know.  
  
"Hey, did he die in his sleep or something?" The shorthaired blonde dressed all in black with a black stocking cap and bandanna asked sarcastically, pointing at Gandalf.  
  
"NOO!!" Yelled the man, dwarf and elf, "HE'S NOT DEAD!"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Umm, don't pay any attention to Altar." That was the first speaker, a girl with long blonde hair. "We're the station master's daughters, Asparagus Altar-Ego," she pointed at the black clad girl, "Chelstoffelees," she pointed at the brunette who was slightly taller then Gimli, "and Carbuckettycue." She pointed at herself. "Altar, Chelsto, and Kettycue for short."  
  
"Umm, interesting names," said Legolas.  
  
"Yeah, aren't they? They're Jellicle names! Like Skimbleshanks and."  
  
Potato burst through the door leading an older marmalade cat person.  
  
"POTATO!" the girls chorused, then started to laugh.  
  
You know the happiest day of my life I swear the happiest day of my life is the day that I died  
  
Gandalf sat up, pushing his hat out of his face. "Ahh, back already Potato?"  
  
"Nobody has any faith in me, no faith in me at all!" Potato shook his head and scuffed his shoe on the floor.  
  
"We LUV you Potato!" the girls leaned in around him and chorused right in the poor boy's ears. Potato grinned, looking all happy.  
  
"So, Mister."  
  
"Skimbleshanks. And there's no Mister, that's Mistoffelees who has a Mister." The older marmalade cat person said.  
  
"Skimbleshanks. What's going on here?" Gandalf continued, ignoring Skimble's commentary.  
  
POOF! Mister Mistoffelees appeared. "What, what? Did someone say my name?"  
  
Gandalf flopped back on the coach and covered his eyes with one arm as if in pain. "Amateurs."  
  
Skimble decided to ignore the whole Magical Mister Mistoffelees incident and answer Gandalf's original question. "Umm, well laddy." he paused searching for the answer, "I think you should ask that Boromir fellow."  
  
Legolas's pointy ears perked up. "Boromir?"  
  
Mistoffelees grinned. "Yeah, yeah!" And, POOF! They appeared in a strange junkyard full of big machines.  
  
Someone in a large frilly apron and maid's hat was leaning into the car and trying to clean the seats with an old fashioned hand sweeper. Next to this strange cleaner's feet was a partially open suitcase with a rubber ducky sticking out. "People expect me to live in these conditions." the cleaner griped.  
  
"Boromir?" Asked Aragorn skeptically.  
  
"Wha.." Boromir stood up too quickly and bonked his head on the ceiling of the old car.  
  
"Hey!" Legolas lunged forward and plucked the ducky out of the suitcase, promptly beginning to dance with it. "Rubber ducky, you're the one! You make bath time lots of fun!" Gimli glowered at him and jabbed him with his axe handle. "What Gimli?"  
  
"Eh-hem." All Gimli had to do was make that one sound and Legolas instantly turned red and put the ducky back in it's suitcase.  
  
Boromir was staring at Legolas. "OKAY."  
  
Avi looked at him. "Weren't you at the train station?"  
  
Boromir shrugged. "I didn't really want to spend my whole after life there."  
  
Legolas shook his head. "Wait a minute, AFTER LIFE? So when you die you go to the train station?"  
  
Can you feel the cold tonight It sets in but it's alright Darkness fall I'm letting go All alone but I feel fine  
  
"Yep." Boromir nodded and untied his apron, pulling it off to reveal his usual outfit. "Why else do you think I'd be there? I mean, I am dead you know."  
  
"Umm, Misto, let's go back to the room with the couch now." Skimble suggested.  
  
"All right!" The black and white cat boy raised his hands over his head to snap his fingers.  
  
"Don't forget Boromir!"  
  
Snap and POOF! They were standing in the room with the overstuffed couch. However, they were not alone.  
  
We took a drive and we drove thru D.C. To see the places we lived, long conversations We talked of old friends and all the things we did Summer nights, drunken fights  
  
A young man with long tapered pointy ears and blonde hair was standing next to the door holding an ocarina and tapping it with one hand. "Dang thing must be faulty!" He tapped the ocarina viscously and repeatedly, trying to make it work. "Had to be three blasted flats!"  
  
"What?" Aragorn raised one eyebrow in questioning.  
  
"The song, the song!" The young man in green yelped, not paying attention to who was speaking. "Wait a minute." He whipped away the ocarina and grabbed his bow, pointing it at them. "Who're you?"  
  
"I was about to ask you that." Aragorn told him.  
  
He didn't relax. "I'm Link. You are?"  
  
"Strider." Aragorn told him.  
  
Legolas leaned forward, "Are you an elf?" Link took one booted foot and kicked the unfortunate elf into the overstuffed couch.  
  
"Have a seat!" Link jested, lowering his bow.  
  
"I think I just did." Legolas said in a pained voice. Then he brightened up. "Did you know that when you die you go to the train station?"  
  
"I thought when you died you went back to the beginning of the dungeon." Link said, then paused to think about what had been going on before he appeared here. "Oh!! So that's why I'm here! I died again!"  
  
"AGAIN?" That was Gimli, eyes wide.  
  
"We thought you could only die once!" Yelled the stationmaster's daughters.  
  
"Impressive." Was all Gandalf had to say.  
  
"What?" Link asked, grinning at them.  
  
"People die, and they come here." Potato explained.  
  
"One problem," Aragorn commented, "we're not dead."  
  
"Hey, neither am I! I got a world to save! I'm the Hero of Time, I can't die!" Link said cheerily. "At least not permanently!"  
  
"Hey, you have a world to save?" Legolas asked, bouncing on the couch, "We only have a country to save, it's Frodo's job to save the world."  
  
"Well now you have a junkyard to save," Potato told them.  
  
Aragorn got a rather strange look, "Why would we want to save a junkyard?"  
  
The door flew open and cat people's heads popped through it and through the walls, "WHAT?!" They all seemed rather offended.  
  
Gimli raised his hands in a gesture of peace, "He meant no offense, it's just it's not our junkyard."  
  
"Not our country either," Legolas added.  
  
Gimli whirled on the unfortunate elf, beard bristling, he stuffed a finger to his lips, and the beard surrounded his hand, "Shhh!!!" The cat people's heads disappeared and the door shut with a 'pop!'  
  
"Pop?" Gandalf asked, pulling his pipe out and starting to smoke it.  
  
Mistoffelees grinned and clapped his hands together, "Pop!" Instantly cans of Wild Cherry Pepsi began to rain from the ceiling. Cries of pain and anger filled the room along with the sound of cans smashing into people, couch, and floor.  
  
"Mistoffelees!" Potato cried.  
  
"Ow! Sorry Tat Cat." The amateur magician said.  
  
"Ow! Tat Cat?" Aragorn asked.  
  
Gandalf blew a puff of smoke, "I assume that's what Potato is called," the soda stopped raining from the ceiling, "ah, that's better."  
  
Mistakes we made.did we live it right?  
  
"So, why exactly did you decide to save the world?" Tat Cat asked Link.  
  
"The tree told me to." Link shrugged.  
  
"Trees can talk? Alright!" Tat Cat grinned.  
  
"Duh trees can talk!" Link snapped, slightly annoyed.  
  
Legolas gave one sharp nod and then went back to staring at the small potted plant that decorated the waiting room they occupied.  
  
"This one says he wants." The elf started, stroking one of the plant's leaves.  
  
"Wants what?" Misto asked, sounding a little worried.  
  
"Shut up you two, the rest of us don't care!" Gimli rolled his eyes.  
  
"Lads? That there would be a plastic plant." Skimble said delicately.  
  
Legolas quickly stopped rubbing the plant's leaves. "I knew that!" he said stiffly.  
  
"I bet he did." Gandalf muttered under his breath.  
  
"So, what were we supposed to save your wretched junkyard from?" Gimli asked.  
  
Macavity then entered through the now saloon type doors. "Die." He said monotonously, getting knocked on his face as the doors swung back and hit him.  
  
"That." Tat Cat winced, gesturing towards the ginger cat that was now on his feet and dusting himself off with a cat's look of "I meant to do that."  
  
"We don't have saloon doors at the train station." Skimble muttered thoughtfully to himself.  
  
"You do now. Now DRAW!" Macavity shot, putting up his pistols, which just happened to be his forefingers and thumbs.  
  
Misto jumped to his feet and snapped hi fingers, causing a huge squirt gun to appear in his paws. Boromir then pulled out a tiny squirt gun that might have just been able to hold an once of water and squirted the Napoleon of Crime, getting a few drops of water on the pink feather boa he was wearing.  
  
"Hey watch it! You'll run by boa!" Macavity cried, straightening his cowboy hat.  
  
"Easy there Miss Kitty." Skimble laughed.  
  
"That's a threat to anyone.besides maybe the world's fashion designers?" Aragorn wondered in a skeptical yet pained voice.  
  
"So, how'd you get here?" Tat Cat asked the new arrival.  
  
"Growltiger caught me trespassing, made me walk the plank, and.I can't swim!" The Mystery Cat sobbed.  
  
"Oh, poor Macavity!" Everyone sighed in unison, surrounding Macavity in a huge group hug.  
  
"Can't breathe.will die again.." Macavity's head lolled to the side in a dead feint. At this point everyone took a quick step back and he crashed to the floor.  
  
Misto brandished his squirt gun and yelled, "We've got to wake him up!" and squirted him in the chest.  
  
"I hate water." Macavity squeaked like a little girl as he shuddered and twitched violently.  
  
Misto grinned mischievously and blasted Macavity in the face with another squirt, causing Macavity to wig out all over again.  
  
You know the happiest day of my life  
  
I swear the happiest day of my life is the day that I died Can you feel the cold tonight It sets in but it's alright Darkness falls I'm letting go  
  
"So, now that the 'junkyard' is no longer in danger, can we go home now?" Link asked, watching the Hidden Paw skeptically.  
  
"Yeah!" Aragorn leaped to his feet, "Who's in charge of this place anyway?"  
  
Everyone froze and flung their hands up in the air as if surrendering. "NOT ME!"  
  
"Then who is?" Aragorn yelled, pacing back and forth wildly.  
  
"GROWLTIGER!" The Jellicles replied.  
  
"Oh no, you'll make him come here." Macavity whimpered hiding behind the plastic plant.  
  
"Growltiger what kind of pathetic." Legolas started, and then a stripey slightly seedy looking Growltiger appeared. ".name is that. HEY! Who's that?"  
  
"I am Growltiger, the terror of the Thames." The new cat person announced. "What business do you have with me?"  
  
"It wasn't me, it was Aragorn and Link!" Legolas said quickly.  
  
"Aye? And what do they want?" Growltiger turned his one eyed gaze on them, and then lifted his eyepatch to look at them with both eyes.  
  
Gandalf lifted his cap off his eyes, "Is there a point to the eyepatch?"  
  
"Yes! To make me look good!" Growltiger exclaimed, "All fashionable bravo cats wear one!"  
  
"Fashionable pirates?"  
  
"Bravo cats! And yes, look at me!" Growltiger performed an adept supermodel twirl. "Oh yes, and what did you want with me?"  
  
"We need to go home so we can save the world." Link said bluntly.  
  
"Oh, you're not dead?" Growltiger lifted his eyepatch and peered at them. "Oh! You're not!"  
  
Aragorn grabbed the eyepatch and snapped it back on to his face. "Stop it with the eyepatch already!"  
  
"Heh, heh, spunky ain't ya?" Growltiger laughed ominously. "Well, I suppose I can take yous home, if you really want me to."  
  
"Yes, we have hobbits to save." Gandalf puffed on his pipe.  
  
"Well then old man." Growltiger clapped his hands together and they appeared on the deck of a rather suspicious looking bar.  
  
Gandalf puffed up, "Old? I am only three thousand nine hundred and eighty two."  
  
Legolas laughed. "You're a lot older then that. You're older then Elrond, and he's at least five thousand."  
  
Gandalf puffed up even more but didn't dignify that with a response.  
  
Griddlebone appeared from underneath one of the crates and snapped irritably, "No old people on this vessel."  
  
Gandalf sat down promptly and smirked. "Good. I'm not old."  
  
Growltiger shook his head and walked over to the Lady Griddlebone. "Dear, why are you insulting the guests?"  
  
"Because I'm the Lady Griddlebone!" She snapped.  
  
Growltiger took a couple steps back quickly. Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas and Link sat down next to Gandalf. In the end, Link and Legolas started playing ping pong as the ship took to the open sea.  
  
All alone but I feel just fine  
  
You know the happiest day of my life  
  
I know the happiest day of my life I swear the happiest day of my life is the day that I died  
  
It was a dark and stormy night when they awoke to the sound of a scuffle on deck. They peered out from around the boxes and much to their horror, a million bright blue eyed cat-people were attacking Growltiger!  
  
Legolas squeaked. "Oh no!"  
  
Link looked at him strangely, "You pay too much attention to the narrator. The narrator is only there so that you don't have to have a monologue."  
  
The theatrical mood having been broken, Gandalf pointed dramatically at the sky, having missed the point of breakage. "Look! In the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's."  
  
"Crebine from Dunland!" Legolas shrieked.  
  
Griddlebone let out an amazing screech. "No! It's the Everlasting Cat!"  
  
The gigantic silvery paw scooped them up one by one and then carried them all away.  
  
They awoke.  
  
"Now that's boring!" Aragorn yelled, struggling to sit up in the silvery paws grip.  
  
"The paw is opening, I repeat, the paw is opening." Link informed them all and.  
  
It opened.  
  
"AHHHHHH!" Most of them screamed, except Gimli who had something more to say.  
  
"DEATH TO THE NARRATOR!"  
  
Please join us next week for part two: The Encore Performance.  
  
"Now this is proof that the narrator should, in fact, die." Gandalf commented, puffing on his pipe while falling until next week.  
  
Can you feel the cold tonight It sets in but it's alright Darkness falls I'm letting go All alone but I feel just fine Did I live it right? I hope I lived it right, I know I lived it right 


End file.
